Barack Obama - what can't he do?

Looking at the clock, I am almost exactly 13 hours late in writing a witty, or sensational, or comical, or ________ post reflecting the news that Mr. Barack Obama is the guy that our country has determined will take the reins and steer our country back to greatness. I realize that anything I say now is not exactly 'hot off the presses.'

However, with that imagery in mind, I do have some 'hot' news to report, filled with globs of irony to satisfy your ironic tooth.

While Obamans across the nation celebrated Barack's clinching the presidential race, touting him as the one to bandage our bleeding financial industry, to balance out the distribution of wealth among our citizenry, to impose NCAA football playoffs -- I have discovered yet another industry that can breathe a sigh of relief on this Nov. 5 : Newspapers.

Sure there have been reports and projections that technology and the blogosphere are tag-teaming the demise of the ol' ink and paper daily news, but I'll tell you what.. Today, after visiting 2 gas stations, 3 convenience stores, a hardware store, a neighborhood market, and 3 newspaper dispenser stands, I found myself newspaperless, empty-handed like O.J. in a jail cell.

They were all sold out! Every last Washington Post, New York Times, and Wall Street Journal was gone. One shopkeeper even laughed at me, as if my expecting the availability of a gosh darn newspaper at one in the afternoon was a gosh darn joke. (Side note: all I wanted was the Post's Style section so I could do my daily crossword puzzle. So much to ask for?)

Then it dawned on me. He's done it again! Barack has saved the ailing print newspaper industry. The presses have turned back on. The rollers are a-rollin'. The newsboys are on the corner belting it out for a quart-, well, fifty cen-, actually, seventy-fi-, you know what, let's just make it a dollar. (Yay capitalism, right?) Regardless the cost of the paper, the news being conveyed is priceless. And here I almost bought a Kindle!

So hats off to you, Senator-and-soon-to-be-President Obama. Hopefully your success with resucitating the newspaper will be mirrored and surpassed on other more trivial areas, such as international relations and the R word. Now, as my older and seldom insightful brother would say - "Don't screw up."

Cause if ya do, then that damned institution you just saved will be the first to point the finger. Now ain't that grand....