Afternoon at the Coffeeshop

So there's this coffeeshop near my house, and I recently learned that they feature live music from time to time. As a slowly-developing musician, I decided to stop by this afternoon, to sort of case the joint out and get a feel for the atmosphere, the people, how Feng Shui the decor was. You know, normal activities for a Friday afternoon.

Having been here now for a good hour (you could say I'm "reporting live"), I have managed to observe a good number of interesting things.

For starters, there's this guy sitting a couple tables behind me, facing my back, also on his laptop. I am 95% sure he has been watching my erratic internet-surfing habits, and is probably watching me write this about him. It's really awkward. (HI!!!!! <-- message for him/you, [you meaning the guy]).

Anyway. So I ordered my standard large iced coffee, with cream only to make two equally unfortunate realizations almost simultaneously. 1) I had only $1 in my pocket (the shots of Jim Beam from last night are likely to blame for this). 2) there is a $5 minimum on credit purchases. My coffee rang in at a whopping $1.99 ($2.14 with tax).

Talk about a pickle. Grudgingly, I supplemented my order with a piece of blueberry coffee cake. As the barista readied the cake square (I regretfully declined the option to have it warmed up), I had my fingers, arms, legs and toes all crossed, hoping my order would now eclipse the $5 mark.

No dice. $4.83. Damn you independent, non-Starbucks coffeeshop and your affordable prices and friendly, neighborhood appeal! Why is your heart so gosh darn apparent? You and your chalkboard menus and Sharpie marker-written display case price tags! And free wireless internet connection?! Corporatize, will you? After all, this is America.

Even though the girl behind the counter insisted that it was "close enough," I felt obliged to add another item to the order to ensure that I reached the posted minimum. As an honest citizen and, more importantly with today's economy, customer, it was my duty to obey the store's rules. And buy more.

So, I threw on a bottle of water as well. Bottled water - now there's a patriotic and economically-responsible item. Is there a better example of brilliance in terms of commercialism? Of the three human survival priorities - food, shelter, water - the latter is without doubt the easiest to commoditize. Why learn how to purify water on our own, when there are companies (Coca-Cola's Dasani, Pepsi's Aquafina, etc.) that are offering to do it for us? Sure, it might cost anywhere from $1.25 (gas station) to $6.50 (professional sporting event), but can you really put a price on convenience? I sure can't. That's what the big corporations are for.

So, finally, I had made it past the store minimum for credit purchases. I could enjoy my random assortment of drinks and food with a clear conscience, knowing that not only did I satisfy my desire for cold coffee (which, mind you, was available at home, leftover from my roommate's morning brew), I also managed to help out our ailing economy when it's needing me most.

And no, your thank you's are not necessary. I know you are thinking it. And, in turn, I am thinking up one big "You're welcome."


Side note: awkward guy who was sitting behind me just left. I think he got agitated by the seeming lack of direction in this post, and, that I stopped writing about him. That selfish bastard.